Unfurled

My heart  half bled,
By emotions that hurt and destroy;
Of feelings so alive with dread;
Play with me the broken toy;
Can't escape my restless head;
Before me my sanity unfurled,
I, a fledgling with undeveloped wings,
Trying to take flight in a cruel world,
No power to change these things,
Lessons of life so misunderstood.
How to balance hope and dreams on weak strings?
I think I can, I wish I could-
I want a new chapter in a different story:
But I am stuck in paraphrase instead;
Monotone existence empty of all glory,
Filled with routine dread;
Trying to find myself so I might be
More than a flightless bird,
Someone worth being admired and heard,
No longer envying other birds with working wings.

My thoughts grow like troublesome weeds,
I can't hide from my truth,
Or my desire to relive my youth,
Wanting a redo to plant new seeds
For a new future, new future: cold untruth,
Truth is, I cannot go back to then,
No start over redo. No another again.
Realizing all things come to pass,
This drought of unhappiness will not last.
I will find happiness in my real truth,
For now happiness I feign
And this clever façade I maintain,
Suffering inwardly, despair and self-centered ruth.
I wish God himself could hear my plea,
Save me from my self-constructed hell,
Pull me from this dark place I dwell,
Send the words that will comfort me,
But I haven't heard from him in a while,
And I haven't found a reason to wear a smile,
I am searching hard for my real truth
But I wish I could be understood,
by myself who is so misunderstood;
For sadly, this then is also sooth.

I ride this emotional wave
Feelings of anger and thoughts that deprave,
Keep me wishing for a new dawn,
I am lost now but I will be found,
And these troubled times will be foregone
by this torment longer bound;
My mind free, no longer drawn,
I will wake from this despairing dream a new,
Feeling of happiness will fill me through
Stop hating myself for choices made in my youth:
This will be my avow!
My selfish well declared vow:
I will find my happiness, my real truth.

 

© 2010 Lyndsey Warren